Random Thoughts Page

Apr. 8th, 2009 @ 05:41 pm public service announcement

It's "that time of year" again. The time of year when most Christians celebrate "Easter" (named indirectly for a Babylonian goddess--seems like a bad name for a way to celebrate Christ's resurrection, to me), Jews and some Christians celebrate Passover (named in the English language parallel to the way it's named in Hebrew, from taking the verbal concept of passing over something, which happens to be a one-word verb in Hebrew even though it's two in English, and making a one-word noun out of it), and many people in the Church of God community, who are religiously somewhere in between, celebrate.... "The Night To Be"?? Sorry, folks, I just can't. People who use this particular phrase are abbreviating a longer descriptive phrase: "a night to be much observed", which comes from the King James version of the Bible--the most antiquated English-language translation of the scriptures that is still in common use. And they're using it as a name (and thus capitalizing it). I have also heard many people change the word "observed" to "remembered", and I cannot find any justification for doing so.

Now if you have used any of these phrases, even the most abbreviated one that admittedly bugs me (a night "to be, (or not to be, that is the question)!" Perhaps this "meaning" could be interesting to explore, since the ancient Hebrew people were in fact facing an existential dilemma at the time of the Exodus,... but this is clearly NOT the context of the words the way they are presented in the scripture)... you could think that I'm directing this note towards you. But I am not. With the exception of my greater annoyance at "night to be", which I understand might be excused as a pet peeve which I should shut up about already :-P, I don't have a religious problem with Christians (or Jews, but they wouldn't see the point), saying the phrase "a night to be much observed". It's in the Bible... one translation of it, at least! It would be like a person wanting to talk about one of the American national holidays, but not being able to bring to mind its name, and instead saying "that night when we get to watch fireworks". Of course most people call it instead, the "4th of July", or "Independence Day".

So I'm writing this note hoping to proactively clarify or at least lessen confusion as people talk to me... because I actually can't bring myself, anymore, to use any of the aforementioned descriptive phrases starting with "night to be" in naming the celebration in question, and yet I find myself interacting constantly during this time of year with people who do. I'm not trying to change anything, or anybody, directly. I'm just saying, if you ask me about my observances and I stumble over things or get confused... this is why. I don't have a solution, but if people know what is going through my mind then it may alleviate some misunderstanding. So, what do I, personally, call the night, "to be much observed" (according to one translation, one of many valid descriptions of the night, just like the fireworks), which occurs on the "afternoon and evening of the 14th of Nissan" (there's the date, just like the 4th of July)? God didn't give us a celebration with no name. It has a name, so I use it: "Passover".

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<Originally posted at LiveJournal>

It's "that time of year" again. The time of year when most Christians celebrate "Easter" (named indirectly for a Babylonian goddess--seems like a bad name for a way to celebrate Christ's resurrection, to me), Jews and some Christians celebrate Passover (named in the English language parallel to the way it's named in Hebrew, from taking the verbal concept of passing over something, which happens to be a one-word verb in Hebrew even though it's two in English, and making a one-word noun out of it), and many people in the Church of God community, who are religiously somewhere in between, celebrate.... "The Night To Be"?? Sorry, folks, I just can't. People who use this particular phrase are abbreviating a longer descriptive phrase: "a night to be much observed", which comes from the King James version of the Bible--the most antiquated English-language translation of the scriptures that is still in common use. And they're using it as a name (and thus capitalizing it). I have also heard many people change the word "observed" to "remembered", and I cannot find any justification for doing so.

Now if you have used any of these phrases, even the most abbreviated one that admittedly bugs me (a night "to be, (or not to be, that is the question)!" Perhaps this "meaning" could be interesting to explore, since the ancient Hebrew people were in fact facing an existential dilemma at the time of the Exodus,... but this is clearly NOT the context of the words the way they are presented in the scripture)... you could think that I'm directing this note towards you. But I am not. With the exception of my greater annoyance at "night to be", which I understand might be excused as a pet peeve which I should shut up about already :-P, I don't have a religious problem with Christians (or Jews, but they wouldn't see the point), saying the phrase "a night to be much observed". It's in the Bible... one translation of it, at least! It would be like a person wanting to talk about one of the American national holidays, but not being able to bring to mind its name, and instead saying "that night when we get to watch fireworks". Of course most people call it instead, the "4th of July", or "Independence Day".

So I'm writing this note hoping to proactively clarify or at least lessen confusion as people talk to me... because I actually can't bring myself, anymore, to use any of the aforementioned descriptive phrases starting with "night to be" in naming the celebration in question, and yet I find myself interacting constantly during this time of year with people who do. I'm not trying to change anything, or anybody, directly. I'm just saying, if you ask me about my observances and I stumble over things or get confused... this is why. I don't have a solution, but if people know what is going through my mind then it may alleviate some misunderstanding. So, what do I, personally, call the night, "to be much observed" (according to one translation, one of many valid descriptions of the night, just like the fireworks), which occurs on the "afternoon and evening of the 14th of Nissan" (there's the date, just like the 4th of July)? God didn't give us a celebration with no name. It has a name, so I use it: "Passover".

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If this confuses you, I did write a blog about this subject with a different angle on my thoughts about the topic a couple years ago. You may read it if you want. Linked here.

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Dec. 14th, 2007 @ 08:46 pm for those of us who won't believe revelation...

I was listening to the radio on the way home from work today. The Sabbath had already begun, so ordinarily I "should" perhaps have taken some action to change the station, or even have turned the radio off, rather than listen to my default evening drive-home fare of National Public Radio. I'm not actually a fan of public radio, mostly because I consistently detect a liberal bias in their programming (which for politics I'm ok with but when they celebrate gays and lesbians I just want to throw up!). But when I'm driving by myself, I usually prefer talk radio to music or silence, and FM sound quality to AM, which in San Diego in the evening currently rules out everything except NPR (and even they let me down after 7 p.m.!). And I find it can be highly informative. So I usually tolerate it, and this evening was no different. Through inaction and by default, therefore, I found myself listening to Marketplace. And I heard something interesting,... and remarkably appropriate.

Friday, December 14, 2007 - Marketplace - It's a fact: Charity pays dividends
(http://marketplace.publicradio.org/display/web/2007/12/14/philanthropy_dividends/)

As I've attended various churches in my life, I've heard it preached repeatedly that God instructs us to give 'tithes' and 'offerings' to His earthly administrative representatives, mostly as a matter of faith. Of course for a church to have this money is also considered useful and important in a practical sense, to facilitate the church's public and private ministry, and to be redistributed to the needy. This could be seen as self-serving by the skeptics; but with very few exceptions, churches in the Judeo-Christian tradition have a strong moral basis for this or similar teachings: Personal giving of time, resources, and money is part of the Judeo-Christian way of life: it's part of being good. So while some theologians may dispute whether religious giving is technically required for Christian spiritual salvation, every church would teach monetary generosity, both to the church itself and to others who need it.

But one of the most interesting (and seemingly humanly illogical) teachings there is about giving money to the church, is that while doing so, one may literally become richer. In the Bible, God promises to bless those who pay tithes (see Malachi 3). And I've heard dramatic testimonies to the effect that these blessings, for some people, have even included increased wealth. Still, to a pragmatic capitalist, the idea that deliberately giving away cash will result in a higher bank balance is usually a hard argument to sell.

And then today on the radio (you can hear it archived at the link I gave above),... on a secularist radio network (NPR), a university economist essentially claimed that it was true. He presented hard numerical evidence from scientific studies, showing that both individually and nationally, philanthropy tends to result in greater monetary wealth. He discussed some possible explanations, but mostly he just presented the fact of the correlation that he had discovered. It certainly wasn't a religious argument, nor did he discuss who the money should be given to; but still, I was amazed at how parallel his scientific conclusion was to the assertions we have been told to accept as a matter of faith in the word of God. I find it fascinating how as years go by, and scientists study the nature of our planet, our life, and our society, in our modern era of great knowledge, at a painstakingly slow pace, the teachings written down in the Bible thousands of years ago keep being confirmed. Perhaps our incredible Creator really did inspire that book, and perhaps he knew what he was talking about. ;)

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Oct. 8th, 2007 @ 10:15 pm LUI: "living under the influence"

I don't like girls.

Alright, admittedly, that's very ambiguous and misleading... but now that I have your attention, let me rephrase and explain.

I have a problem with girls. I don't like the things that I occasionally do while I'm "under the influence", so to speak, of girls. I sometimes make decisions that I later regret... and I can directly trace it to the effect on my mind of being around a girl. It's never anything really significant--but it's usually something that I'm kicking myself for later, even if it wouldn't seem especially important from the perspective of an outside observer. So, let me state my goal, and then tell some stories about how I tend to fail to keep it in mind at various times.

Here's my goal: "If possible, I resolve not to ditch friends and not to make decisions which negatively affect my interactions with friends or which take me away from them, in any attempt to pursue or to be around any girl."

The first time I came to the realization that I had a problem with this was about a year ago. I was on vacation in a foreign country, and there was a girl (also on vacation from here in the same foreign country) that, to be fair, I wasn't even attracted to in the classic sense--but who I had just met and who I hit it off with as friends really, really well. (For the record, I'm still friends with her, which is great, and we sometimes have several-hours-long phone conversations.) One night, I wanted to ask her to dinner the next night, to cement our friendship and to just enjoy a nice dinner together. I saw my opportunity, and I in fact did ask her, and she of course accepted. But in order to do this, I decided to walk with her out of a club that she was leaving. In this club, some friends of mine and I had been waiting for good dancing music to start, so that we could dance together. Accompanying her to where she was going to rejoin a different group of friends, making casual conversation along the way, asking her to dinner, and then excusing myself to get back to the club took a little while. Between 5 and 15 minutes--I'm honestly not sure. It's easy to lose track of time around a girl. But when I returned to the club, my friends were nowhere to be found. They had assumed I was more interested in her than them, and would not be coming back. I caught up with them later, but they had moved on and didn't want to go back and dance. Why did I not make it more clear to them that I would be right back? Or why did I not stay and dance for a while and then take my chances about catching up with her later? Looking back on it, I should have been able to see that my friends that I was with for the dancing were more important to me than that girl--I mean, come on, I wasn't even attracted to her! How important could a dinner be? And I still may have been able to catch up with her later. But no, I didn't even say anything to them, and I walked out with her and enjoyed her company, forgetting about them for a few minutes. Clearly, I was acting under the influence. And not dancing with my friends that night? is my biggest regret of that vacation.

Fast forward to last week, another week on vacation with a large group of friends, although this time here in my home town,... and I have a couple more offenses to confess.

One day I was giving a ride to a girl--we were joining a group of about 20 people to go ocean kayaking. I had actually been out to dinner with her at a fancy restaurant the night before, so I guess in some sense you could say that the evening before was a date... and this was the next day. On the way to the ocean, I stopped at my house, where we both changed clothes; and then we needed to be on our way fairly quickly, to catch up with the rest of the group. Of course I let her play my piano. ;) (So stopping at my house wasn't entirely accidental. ;)) Anyway... once we got to the beach, I realized that I had totally forgotten to bring my camera. I have a nice Canon pocket digital camera with a waterproof case add-on, which I was planning to bring with me to take pictures out in the ocean while we were kayaking. And I didn't bring it. I was to discover shortly what a bad mistake this was--as not only did I miss out on taking pictures of my friends and the ocean, including some wonderful kayak-paddle water fights, but also on the opportunity to photograph some tiger sharks, some sea lions, and the inside of a sea cave. And nobody else in our group had a waterproof camera... so our gloriously fun expedition went completely undocumented. So why did I forget this important piece of technology at home? Clearly, I was not all there when we stopped at my house. I was living, yet again, under the influence. You could try to say that I forgot it because of time pressure... but I would have to argue that if she hadn't been around, I would have been focussed on preparing for kayaking, and likely would have remembered. With her there, I was focussed more on impressing her, taking care of her, whatever..., and was lucky I remembered as much as I did. ;)

The very next day, I had been invited by another friend of mine to a small party she was throwing. I had thought I might have a slight scheduling conflict, since I had an afternoon activity scheduled right before it... but I told her I would try to make it, even if a bit late. This friend of mine is a girl I met a few years ago who is probably in her mid 30s, and who I'm quite comfortable with as a friend but who I don't honestly know very well, and so I definitely wanted to spend at least a little bit of time with her and she wasn't part of my regular social group that I was spending all my other time with, so going over to her party was a perfect opportunity. And I was also rather curious about who else she invited that I perhaps didn't know yet. Meanwhile, after lunch that day, I was ready to give a ride to a guy I had just met and his sister, to the afternoon activity. And it turned out that he backed out due to injury at the last minute, leaving me giving a ride to the sister alone. Now of course this sister is 21 years old and quite attractive, so here I am again in a situation alone with a girl with the potential to affect my thought processes; and to top it off, her brother made some jokes about her being my date for the day! So after the afternoon activity was over (and, conveniently, it finished early, so I should have been able to actually arrive at the party in plenty of time!), the intelligent thing to do would have been to find the attractive 21-year-old another ride from among the other members of the group (which would have been quite doable--there were enough people around), and proceed on to my next and pre-scheduled engagement. But the group was developing other plans, to go to a juice bar and then to spend time together walking around a tourist trap for the next 3 hours, and, I gotta say, for the sole reason that I was with this girl (as my "date"), I ended up staying with the group. Stupid! I never did make it to the party I had been intending to go to. There were a few memorable moments during those next 3 hours, which I won't bother sharing, but overall I would say they were essentially wasted hours... and I missed out on the opportunity to spend time with a different social group including my friend who had invited me to her party. All for what? A bit of flirting which would lead nowhere? Why did I do this? It's incredibly obvious: I was under the influence.

Somehow I think telling these stories won't likely help me keep my head in the future. This influence can be pretty powerful. But perhaps if anybody reading this happens to notice me acting "under the influence" in the future and can gently remind me that friends are more important than flirting with girls! then perhaps a positive change will have been effected. And if not, then I hope this was at least amusing to somebody. ;) And I'll try to do better next time.

"Just a sec... girl on the line. This entry is over!" Haha, yeah, right. I'm completely kidding.

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Aug. 30th, 2007 @ 09:59 pm random linguistic peeves

music: Garth Brooks - More Than A Memory

I promise I try to ignore these things... but they keep bothering me, every time I hear them; and what better place to gripe about them than here. :)

How many times, standing in line waiting to be helped, just about anywhere: a fast food place, a bank, a car dealership... have I heard the words "Can I help who's next?"? It bugs me every single time! I want to squash somebody; perhaps whoever first uttered the phrase, or really, anybody who uses it. It's not grammatical! Obviously "who's" is short for "who is", and the thing about the word "who" is that it needs a noun (or pronoun) to refer to. (In formal, grammatical terms, this is called an "antecedent", and who is a "relative pronoun".) So the sentence could be fixed by saying "Can I help the person who is next?", because then who refers back to "the person", and the grammar is all good. :) But that's a bit clumsy. So there's another kind of word (an "indefinite relative pronoun"--and no, I didn't know what these terms were before I looked them up... I'm not that stuck in grammar), that doesn't need a noun to refer to, and in this case the corresponding one to "who" is "whoever". So come on, people!... just say "Can I help whoever is next?"... or, just as easy to say, with no who at all, "Can I help the next person?". And I'll be happy.

Next: I can't stand it when people are verbally giving a website address... which, by the quirks of the way the Internet works, usually has several words run together, and, to try to clarify how to type it, they say that the words in the address are "one word". I'm sure you've heard this; I hear it all the time. The thing that bugs me is, the words that are run together in the address aren't just one word. If they were it would be strange, new word, not yet in the dictionary. But the fact is, they are 2 or 3 words, and that's what makes it possible for you to remember it. They are just run together when you type it into the computer. I haven't yet thought of a suitable way to describe this phenomenon which would be as terse, and more precise, and less offensive, than saying they are "one word", but somebody must be able to think of a better way to say it!

And thirdly: I really hate it when somebody uses the word "And" to start a sentence, conversation, speech, whatever,... without any context before it. "And" is a continuing word, showing that something came before... and if there is nothing before it, then it shouldn't be used! The biggest and most consistent offender of this rule, in my life, is this guy named Garrison Keillor. Every night at 7:00 on the local public radio station, there is a 5-minute monologue called "The Writer's Almanac", consisting of a recognition of historical literary figures associated with the date, and a poetry reading; Garrison Keillor is it's voice. It is broadcast on 334 different public radio stations throughout the United States, and Garrison is quite famous. And every single night, he starts the monologue with the words "And here is the writer's almanac for", followed by the day of the week and the date. There's nothing before it! I suppose you could argue that what comes before it is 23 hours and 55 minutes of other radio programming, and the "And" just follows onto that, to connect this program with all the others. But the fact is, it's quite disconnected. Garrison's voice is quite distinctive, so you never would mistake it for being a continuation of the last guy talking, and you also know it's a nationally broadcast feature, on many different radio stations in many different markets, with different programming schedules, so it's not even consistently associated with any other radio show--and it never relates to anything else that was just on the radio before it at all. It stands on its own. So why not just drop the "And"? Garrison, if you ever read this, quit hurting my ears. :) The other example that quickly comes to mind is when people read the 10 commandments out of the Bible, in Exodus, chapter 20. They usually start with verse 1, which, in most English translations of the Bible reads "And God spoke all these words:" People... the "And" shows you that you're breaking in in the middle of a thought! The chapters and verses in the Bible are fairly arbitrary sometimes, and don't always break things in between literary sections. Why not paraphrase a bit, to make the flow of the reading better? (You don't have to read verse 1 at all, just say something else to introduce the 10 commandments). Or, if you want to start with part of verse 1, drop the "And" out at the very least. Or maybe... here's a novel idea: start reading in Exodus 19:25 (but please drop the "So" at the beginning of that verse, for similar reasons, although it bugs me less than "And" does), or perhaps 19:23, 19:20, or 19:16, or 19:10, or 19:1, depending on how much context you want! It wouldn't hurt, really!

One more thing, not so strong of a peeve because I realize I'm unnaturally gifted at contextual spelling, and most people, whose brains work much differently than mine, must really have a harder time of it than I do. But people should occasionally learn to spell rare words, just for the fun of it. ;) In our modern, computerized world, it's far too common for people to spell words wrong, but spelled like other words which sound alike or at least similar, and it gets past the spell checker but it's still wrong, in an annoying (like their/they're/there), or occasionally hilarious way. The two most recent examples of these which I ran across were really quite obscure, so I will recount them, just for fun. I found them both on websites, but it's been a bit too long for me to remember exactly where. One site was talking about "tomes" (large books), and spelled it "tombs". I had to laugh. The poor guy had probably never seen how "tomes" is really spelled. ;) And then the other site that I ran into a short while later told of "a renown (something)" (I can't even remember what, now). Let's pretend it said "a renown tome" (it didn't). :-D The problem here is that "renown" is a noun, referring to a named attribute a person/place/thing can have. It's like "fame", not like "famous". Although it's awkward, people validly say things like "a tome of great renown". But if you want to say it shorter, you say "a renowned tome". ;)

That's all for now. I have some more pet peeves to discuss, hopefully soon, but they're not linguistic.

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Jul. 28th, 2007 @ 12:14 am aaagggghhhhh

mood:

pining
music: 4 PM - Sukiyaki

I just discovered that I am 74 days too old to try out for season 7 of American Idol. I was so going to do it, too! The auditions this year are starting here in San Diego, at Qualcomm Stadium, which is literally a couple blocks from my house--I was going to walk there on Monday morning, to save parking fees! It's not like I thought I would make it past the first round anyway (although there was a chance). But now I don't even get to try. :( 74 days :(

I'm really not that fond of being too old for things. And I find that I've been too old for things much too often in my life. I did get to play for one year in the Pasadena Youth Symphony Orchestra (a Middle-school-aged orchestra) once... that was amazing. But that's one of the few things that didn't pass me by so far in life. Looking back on it, I really should have found some way to be in a similar group in high school. But I was too busy or something? I forget why it didn't happen. I practice gymnastics, and I love it, and I ferociously maintain that it's never too late to start--but the deep reality is that since I didn't start when I was a child (I didn't know I liked it until high school, and then I didn't get the chance to start learning it until college), I'll essentially never be good enough (or young enough, really) to be able to compete in a typical gymnastics meet. I'm only able to practice it at all because my local YMCA has an "adult gym" class which we can take. We can't be on the team though, or take any of the other classes, or work out during the rest of the week with the other students--we're too old for that.

Laying aside "American Idol" specifically ('cause who watches that show anyway, really? I sure don't!)... you have to admit that in establishing an upper age limit on potential "idols", it's reflecting the focus of society in general. Many of the most popular "pop" musicians are younger than me! That doesn't mean that older people aren't in the business and successful... but everytime you hear a story about a hugely successful "new" artist who just got the public eye, they tell us how they've been doing it since they were teenagers--and most of them still are teenagers, or in their early 20s. They're almost all younger than I am nowadays. Where is there room for somebody who goes public in his 30s? I'm sure it happens, but I think it's rare.

Haha; I also want to go to Legoland. We have one here in Carlsbad, CA--like half an hour drive from where I live. It was built just a few years ago--I think while I was in college. Only problem is, I've made the mistake of telling some of my friends (maybe family too--I forget) that I am interested in going there, and the basic reaction was, oh it's a place for little kids. Which may be true! But I don't want to be too old to go to Legoland.

I am too old, now, to date girls who are in their early 20s. People may disagree with me about this--but the fact is, I'm essentially not attracted to people in that age group anymore--I've always been attracted to girls slightly older than me anyway and I'm 29. And if that weren't enough, the younger girls tend to ignore me like I don't exist anyway, from a dating perspective. (Well actually, all girls do ;) but that's besides the point.) So the upshot is, if I ever get married, it will probably be to a girl who is in her 30s, or close to it. Which is a beautiful thought... except for the little detail that I have a pretty strong preference for having at least 4 children--I've always thought that the 3 children my parents had was a nice minimum family size, and more would be better. Now how many girls in their 30s would want that many kids? if they're even capable of it at that point. (My mom had 3 children before the age of 30.)

I know at my age I'm quite far from being technically "over the hill"... but that doesn't stop the feeling of life getting away from me. I'm quite sick of missing out on life.

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May. 30th, 2007 @ 07:38 pm more automated dating insight

I found the result below (to yet another one of those ubiquitous online "personality tests") interesting. Not so much the result itself, but at the bottom where it said compared to other guys my age, I'm in the 82% percentile at reading women's minds, but only 14% in being romantic. I think that's about right. I generally know what women are thinking, at least, better than the average guy; I just can't do anything about it. ;)

My score on The Can You Read Women Test:

Middle of the Road
(You scored 46% smoothness and 34% romantic!)

You are, the "Middle of the Road". As I've said to many people before. This... is the best category of guys. They're not big mushy romantic types who fall all over themselves at the sight of a beautiful girl, but they're not huge assholes who think it's cool to tease us all the time.

I really have no advice for you if you honestly got in this category. You're among the best all-around guys out there. Don't change a thing. You're one of the good guys! Only thing is, because neither side is very dominant, there's not much about you that makes you interesting to a girl. So, try to work on being more interesting initially, to hook them in!

Please note that the description and advice presented here is based only on your answers. There is no accounting for whether or not this is how you actually act in real life, what your self esteem actually is or anything else. This test was just to determine if indeed, you have the skills necessary to read women.

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 82% on mind-reader
You scored higher than 14% on romantic

Link: The Can You Read Women Test written by MorganWebb
(on OkCupid Free Online Dating)

Fun, eh?

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May. 20th, 2007 @ 11:23 am shape of a heart

music: Mariah Carey - We Belong Together

I actually wrote this up yesterday morning when I woke up, but didn't have time to post it until today:

I just had the best dream. It was short, but awesome. :) As a warning to anybody trying to make sense out of all the details: keep in mind, it's a dream; so not everything does make sense. I am just writing it down how I experienced it. And for a dream it made a remarkable amount of sense. :)

My girlfriend (lol, this is how you know it was a dream), was auditioning for something vocal. It wasn't specified what it was in the dream--could've been a play, or just to be a singer in general (American-idol style). She was preparing for the audition, kind of at the last minute, in fact while the audition was going on. I didn't start out the dream in the same room as her, but elsewhere in the same complex, which included an auditorium where the audition took place. I don't know what else I was doing there besides going to see her audition, because the dream didn't go back that far, but I feel like the audition was just part of a larger day somehow. So, somehow I knew about when the audition was going to be over, and I knew she was running late, so I just showed up for the last few minutes of it.

The auditorium, not on the outside, but on the inside, looked similar in shape and appearance to the Ambassador Auditorium, but much smaller (only one center aisle), brighter lit and with a smaller and less formal stage. The audition personnel and microphone were located on the floor in front of the stage, on the right-hand side of the center. I entered the open doors to the room, and was walking down the right-hand side wall aisle of the room, and took an isle seat on the far right, somewhat closer to the front than the back. I saw a few completely mediocre wanna-be singers try to sing. One guy had absolutely nothing prepared, and for some reason the guy in charge told him he could try to improvise along with the next girl; he took a piece of paper from her which was filled with handwriting, and tried to make up a tune--and she tried to harmonize with him; and it wasn't even clear that the words he was singing were the words to a song--they could have been other random information for all I could tell because they weren't poetic at all but just sounded like a tune improvised to mundane prose; it was bad. Another mediocre singer went by, who could hold a tune, more or less, but just had no emotion or feeling--meanwhile I can see each singer had to give his or her audition paperwork on a clipboard to the assistant at the front of the room when they were done filling it out.

As the last remaining singer started to sing, I saw my girlfriend enter the room from a door near the stage, on the opposite (left) side of the room; she managed to show up, just in time. :) She walked quickly and purposefully towards a seat near the middle of the room, on the opposite side of the same section I was sitting in and one row back. She was roughly average height, actually a bit taller than average, maybe 5'8"? but not tall enough to be called truly "tall". She wouldn't be called overweight, but not thin either--more of a stocky body build, while still quite attractive. She was wearing nice pants (I think; I just know she wasn't wearing a skirt), and a tubular-shaped, sleeveless top--very modest but it looked good--that was medium-to-dark gold in color, with a pattern, but not shiny or sparkley. When she was almost to the seat she was headed for, she turned around, realizing she needed to hand in her clipboard, walked the few steps back to the front of the room and gave her clipboard to the auditioner's assistant (a woman, who acknowledged receiving it with a nod of the head and a smile), then went and sat back down. When she sat down she looked over at me and waved with a quick, slight but cute smile. Shortly thereafter, the girl who was singing finished, and the auditioner started to say something to the effect of "okay I think that's everybody", and thanking everybody for coming, but his assistant pointed out the one remaining entrant, so he welcomed my girlfriend up toward the stage. Upon reviewing her clipboard, he was clearly impressed: "Wow, if you can sing all of these pieces, you're going to be quite a competitor. How about you pick one and show us what you got."

And that's exactly what she did. For a moment she was actually standing up on the stage with him, and singing, and she was clearly much better at singing than any of the other contenders I had heard. She was singing in a professional style, whereas the other girls and guys had been quite novice in their voices. Her voice was mid-range--not a low alto nor a high soprano, and not perfectly rich or captivating; but still, everybody there knew that she was better than the others--much better, in fact. After about one verse of the song, while singing, she started to act worried, and took the portable microphone back to her chair; the backup music was still going, and she was still singing along, but while doing this, she also started looking through her materials. She found the words to the song she was singing--again, these were handwritten--and looking at them quickly, she picked up a pen and circled something further down the page. Then she stopped singing--but that was okay because it was a musical interlude when she wasn't supposed to sing.

The row she was in, the row behind mine, was completely empty, except for her standing where she had been seated before, and during the musical interlude, for no discernable reason, she walked over to the side of the row where I was sitting, with words still in hand, and started complaining, not to me particularly, but to anybody who was caring to listen, that this was a hard song, and that she wasn't sure how the words all fit to the tune. Somebody, a girl from the audience, an adoring fan of sorts, responded that it was only the #1 popular song in the nation right now, so of course it was hard! There were some backup singers on the recording that started singing, and I thought maybe my girlfriend had missed her entrance, but maybe she still wasn't supposed to be singing, because she came in and started singing shortly after that, and it seemed to fit just right. She was still standing right behind me, with the microphone in one hand and words in the other. And she made it through the song, basically just fine, although in the spots where she was having trouble fitting the words to the tune, she may or may not have gotten them right (I didn't know). She was clearly a bit flustered though, and showing a lack of confidence. And when she finished singing, she knew she had somewhat botched the audition.

Since she was the last contestant, people started dispersing, and the auditioner walked over to where we were, and told her how good she sounded, and that she was the favorite singer he had heard that day. But he stopped short of offering her the job. In his hand he had a flashlight, and he shone it on her, in imitation of a spot-light, pantomiming how he would act if he would announce her having won the job. But he and she both knew that he wouldn't really give it to her on the spot after her failure in performance, even though he wanted to. But, he said, she was free to come in with a bit more preparation, anytime between now and August, and she could sing for him, and he would give the position to her on the spot. She told me how the last time she had auditioned, she had been able to sing just one song, but had been asked if she had anything else, and was unable to come up with anything. So I understood how, having prepared so much with all these songs, she was trying to do things better this time around; and she just needed a bit more practice. I gave her a big hug, and told her how intensely proud of her I was. I told her this several times, in slightly different ways; she wasn't exactly crying, but certainly showing great emotion--tremendous happiness at her accomplishment, tempered by a bit of disappointment--but I kept encouraging her and hugging her and it made her feel better; and then the dream ended, as we were walking out of the auditorium.

If you couldn't tell: I woke up happy. :)

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Apr. 17th, 2007 @ 12:00 am ... laughing because it's true

music: Vienna Teng - Unwritten Letter #1

Here's a random thought that I didn't come up with, but I thought was amusing enough to share. I found it in my e-mail inbox a few days ago. I won't bother crediting the original author of the quote because it's from a commercial interest which I am not interested in promoting (sorry); and I've tweaked it just a bit to make it make sense out of context.

"One of the big reasons why the newer movies in the Star Wars series suck is because there is no character like Han Solo... think about it. It's all boring, predictable stuff. There's no sexy, arrogant, funny, wildcard personality messing things up.

Like I pointed out after I saw Attack Of The Clones, Anakin had to kill an ENTIRE VILLAGE of Sand People just to convince Princess Amidala that he wasn't a complete and total Wuss. Would have been so much easier and more entertaining if he would have just had a personality."

Cool, huh? :) I always have liked Star Wars Episode 1 the best of the six--but that's 'cause it was all about Padmé (Amidala) as a strong and interesting woman, which I kind of have a thing for, ;) ... and Anakin at that point was just a cute kid... and that Jar Jar fellow was the most hilarious thing ever!

Anyway, the guy's got a point--there's something about Han Solo that's just plain attractive--he's the perfect "bad" good guy. :)

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Apr. 2nd, 2007 @ 02:23 pm denying Christ

mood: somber
music: Mark Graham - Joshua's Song

My apologies to those of you for whom this journal entry may make no sense. It's very technical in nature, and pertains to a particular set of religious beliefs that I happen to be familiar with. It is also very long.

There is a phrase in the King James version of the Bible (without its context): "a night to be much observed". Any of you who do not recognize this phrase in more than a passing way, feel free to stop reading if you want, because I don't think the rest of this will be very interesting. But if you are familiar with it, please read on.

The context of this phrase is a sentence in the chapter about the first Passover, describing when the Israelites were brought out of the land of Egypt by night. Specifically, it is found in Exodus 12:42. Here is some of the context (including the previous two verses), in a variety of translations, in rough order from old to new, harder to easier to understand, and literal to liberally paraphrased:

King James Version: Now the sojourning of the children of Israel, who dwelt in Egypt, was four hundred and thirty years. And it came to pass at the end of the four hundred and thirty years, even the selfsame day it came to pass, that all the hosts of the LORD went out from the land of Egypt. It is a night to be much observed unto the LORD for bringing them out from the land of Egypt: this is that night of the LORD to be observed of all the children of Israel in their generations.

New King James Version: Now the sojourn of the children of Israel who lived in Egypt was four hundred and thirty years. And it came to pass at the end of the four hundred and thirty years--on that very same day--it came to pass that all the armies of the Lord went out from the land of Egypt. It is a night of solemn observance to the Lord for bringing them out of the land of Egypt. This is that night of the Lord, a solemn observance for all the children of Israel throughout their generations.

Revised Standard Version: The time that the people of Israel dwelt in Egypt was four hundred and thirty years. And at the end of four hundred and thirty years, on that very day, all the hosts of the LORD went out from the land of Egypt. It was a night of watching by the LORD, to bring them out of the land of Egypt; so this same night is a night of watching kept to the LORD by all the people of Israel throughout their generations.

Today's New International Version: Now the length of time the Israelite people lived in Egypt was 430 years. At the end of the 430 years, to the very day, all the Lord's divisions left Egypt. Because the Lord kept vigil that night to bring them out of Egypt, on this night all the Israelites are to keep vigil to honor the Lord for the generations to come.

New Living Translation: The people of Israel had lived in Egypt for 430 years. In fact, it was on the last day of the 430th year that all the LORD's forces left the land. This night had been reserved by the LORD to bring his people out from the land of Egypt, so this same night now belongs to him. It must be celebrated every year, from generation to generation, to remember the LORD's deliverance.

So, paraphrasing pretty similarly to the way the New Living Translation did, the upshot of all of this is that there is a night that the Lord's people are supposed to celebrate every year, to remember the Lord's deliverance of their predecessors from Egypt. A large number of people in the world do in fact celebrate this night--in fact, one of them just left my office here at work, to go do so. He is an (Italian) Jew. The Jewish people, being a portion of the people descended from the ancient Israelites, the portion that still keep the ancient traditions, celebrate this night now, 3500 years (roughly) after the events described in the Bible which they commemorate. They call their observance the Passover. As I mentioned earlier, this is the observance described (both the first Passover in the land of Egypt, and the instructions for how to keep it in succeeding years) in the entire chapter of Exodus 12, and there are additional teachings about it elsewhere, which for sake of brevity, I won't bother pointing you to.

There are other groups of people, though, that also celebrate this night, based on a belief in the Bible, and who are Christian, accepting Jesus as the Christ, and accepting the New Testament of the Bible in addition to the collection of Law, Prophets, and Writings that the Jews accept as their scripture. One of these groups can be loosely called "The Church of God". While I believe that Christ's true believers are bound together by a common Holy Spirit, and not any particular church organization or background, I must clarify that I am talking about a group of people who have been largely influenced by the teachings of the late Herbert W. Armstrong, a charismatic preacher of the mid 20th century who introduced many of the truths of the Bible to millions of people, and built a church group of tens of thousands around these sets of beliefs. This group of people, in whatever church organization they happen to be in now, celebrates the night being referred to in Exodus 12:42 just as the Jewish people do... and on the same night that the Jews do... but instead of using the same name as the Jews use to describe it, because many of them don't actually believe it is the Passover, they have invented a name for it based on this descriptive phrase out of the King James and similar translations of the Bible, calling it "The Night to Be Much Observed". Now I have to acknowledge that I have many friends in this group of people, and I am in fact a part of it, so what I have to say may be somewhat alienating. But I feel so strongly about it that I'm willing to take that risk. So here is my stand.

I believe that calling this night the "Night to Be Much Observed" or any variation on this theme, is in fact, highly misleading. So misleading that it denies the true nature of the night. Whenever a friend of mine refers to our celebration as the "Night to be Observed", the "Night to be Much Remembered" (where did that come from??? maybe another translation that I haven't found yet, or maybe a corruption of the tradition), or, in a bizarre twist, what I've heard recently from a couple different friends, an abbreviation: the "Night to Be"... I cringe and wince and don't even feel like talking to them for a while. While I acknowledge that this feeling is somewhat over-dramatic on my part, I can't help it to some extent because I am very tuned to linguistics, and so I'm intensely aware of how this phrase has its roots in a specific, antiquated translation of the Bible (which to me automatically eliminates it as a legitimate candidate for the name of an observance) but more importantly, how it was a descriptive phrase, and not a naming phrase. But if this were the only reason I feel strongly about it then I would just laugh at my idiosyncrasies, share them with others perhaps so they could see how silly my mind is, and move on with life, and call it by the name of our tradition ("Night to Be Much Observed") with no real reservations. But there is something much more important going on here.

I believe the night we're talking about, the night the Jewish people are celebrating, and the night I will be celebrating in a few hours, is, in fact, a commemoration of the Passover. I know that some people don't believe this, and I'm sorry I don't have time to try to explain why I do believe it. If you're actually willing to hear me out I'd be happy to discuss why I believe this, rather than any alternative, with you at any time. (The issue is simply too complicated to summarize in a blog posting.) Alternatively, my Dad has written two study papers discussing the issue in great detail. (posted online here). So for the remainder of this post, for those of you who either disagree with me or are aware of the issue but don't have an opinion, please pretend that I could be right, or at least try to see it from the perspective of someone who believes what I do, so that you can understand why I feel so strongly about it.

As we celebrate the Passover tonight, (a night of watching, a night to be observed forever), I feel like anybody who doesn't acknowledge that this night is in fact the Passover is missing the whole point. It is true that Christ gave a new meaning to the Jewish symbols of the Bread and the Wine--these symbols represented the Passover lamb, and Christ told us that they represent Him. His body, and His blood. And of course they should, because Christ is the Passover lamb in the ultimate figurative sense--his perfect and pure human sacrifice was more important than any lamb or goat sacrificed and eaten, because only He could take away the sins of the whole world. And last night, on the anniversary of the night that Jesus was betrayed, we as a group celebrated a commemoration of Christ giving us these new symbolic meanings. But when did Christ actually die? When did his physical death cause him to become an actual Passover sacrifice? At the exact same time that the Jews were killing the Passover lambs! in the middle of the afternoon leading up to the start of the seven days of Unleavened Bread. When was he placed into the grave? Around the same time that the Jews were eating their Passover meal that night.

Those of you who don't believe this, and yet believe that the Passover should be observed, undoubtedly think that this night (the one "to be observed" in Exodus 12:42) commemorates the walking out of Egypt of the Israelites. Well, I believe it does, too. Here's what I see. With the blood of the Passover lambs on the door frames, the Israelites ate the Passover meal. That night, around midnight, the angel of the Lord came through the land of Israel and killed the firstborn sons of all the Egyptians. Finally, with his land destroyed, his status as a God mocked and discredited, and his firstborn son and chosen heir to the Kingdom of Egypt dead, Pharaoh couldn't take it any more, and sent word immediately to Moses and Aaron that the Israelites should get out, NOW! The Israelites then wasted no time, and began their journey out of Egypt that same night. There was no time to wait--they were being driven out. God knew this, and this is why he made them eat their meal with sandals on their feet and staff in hand. They were prepared to flee--and they did flee the land of Egypt, that same night. As you can see, I agree that tonight is a commemoration of the coming out of Egypt, exactly as the verses I quoted in those translations above say it does. But I believe that earlier that same night, the Passover meal was eaten by the Israelites. And I know that this night has a name--the Passover--and to take such great pains to avoid using that name, in fact turning a descriptive phrase into a replacement name... is something I can no longer agree with silently.

I mourn for the idea of people coming together every year, observing a meal at the beginning of the Days of Unleavened Bread, and thinking about nothing more than God's deliverance from sin. Often, not even that is talked about, and for lack of a better spiritual focus, the night turns into a commanded social event. No doubt, deliverance from Egypt, from oppression, and from sin is a powerful and important concept, and worthy of celebration and commemoration all by itself. But why did the Israelites come out of Egypt?--what was it that enabled their Exodus? The blood of the Passover Lamb freed them from the wrath of the angel of God. They were awake until the middle of the night waiting for the fearful event, and then they were driven out hastily by Pharaoh's army. It is this that we are celebrating tonight!, not just the walking out of Egypt. And why have we been delivered from sin? The sacrifice of God's Passover Lamb, Jesus of Nazareth, the Messiah, the Christ, the Savior. He died so many years ago, and tonight we should remember that. Last night we remembered his last night of life, how he gave us the symbols of his New Covenant, representing his body and his blood, and how in a touching display of his humanity, he told us that he wanted us to remember him. Now tonight, we should remember once again that he was hanging on a Cross all day the next day, and died together with thousands of Passover lambs, to take their place and to open up salvation to humanity. If we don't believe that tonight commemorates the Passover, then we lose that focus.

Have a wonderful Passover, everybody.

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Mar. 19th, 2007 @ 11:50 pm go, me!

mood:

hopeful
music: Sarah McLachlan - Full of Grace

Just thought I'd mention, that tonight for the second time in a row attempting it, I made a white sauce gravy (flour, water, milk, salt, pepper), and some ground turkey, to be poured over bread for the main course of dinner, without burning either pan I used--we're talking stainless-steel (copper-bottom) pans that wash out in less than a minute with no scrubbing. :) Maybe this is no big deal to some of you... but hey; I'm on a roll here: not just the white sauces, which I used to think couldn't be done without burning the pan at least a little bit (until my sudden success a month or so ago), but also various quick and pan breads, and a few other things I've made in the past two months and never once burned anything... so I think I may finally qualify as a "cook." :) Yay.

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Mar. 7th, 2007 @ 08:22 pm retail psychoanalysis

So here I was, earlier today, sitting at my computer at home (trying to get over being sick), working for the company (because what else would I be doing on a Wednesday? I wasn't that sick)... and I decided I needed my music. I often listen to Yahoo LAUNCHcast because it pretty consistently plays what I like to listen to (on "my station") in addition to introducing me to cool music that I might also like. And basic LAUNCHcast is free. So I turned it on, and... it sounded terrible! At work I have some cheap computer speakers plugged directly into the computer, so I guess it doesn't matter... but at home I have, attached to my computer, a professional-quality external audio interface (the same one I use for recording), connected to a normal home stereo system (well it was normal in the 1980s :-)), in turn connected to a pair of semi-antique floor speakers that I inherited (probably also vintage 1970s or '80s). So everything sounds GREAT at home... if the source material being played by my computer is high quality. And it wasn't. I could hear the compression artifacts pretty well, and they were bugging me! So I decided, at long last, that after years of putting it off, I should finally pay for LAUNCHcast Plus, so I could take advantage of the higher sound quality they offer with the pay service. And then my ears have been happy for the rest of the day. :)

So as I was paying for this, they give me two options: $3 a month billed annually ($36 a year), or $4 a month billed monthly. Clearly $3 a month is cheaper, and at first I picked it... but then I changed my mind and chose the monthly billing and finished the transaction... and oddly this made me happier! So I got to thinking about why this is? I can easily afford the $36 a year--it's not much money and I'd never really notice it. And I'm not really likely to cancel--I use the service enough and I'll probably get hooked on some of the premium features before long; not to mention I was already happy with it as a free "customer". And I'm not one of those guys that gets everything for free (by beg, borrow, or steal) because I can't stand to spend money, or think the world owes it to me: if a company has a legitimately good product that is useful to me, high quality, and doesn't bug me too much, and they won't give it to me for free, and I can responsibly afford it, I'll buy it. ;) So I thought some more,... and I would bet, that if a person analyzed my personality on the basis of my retail transactions, they would conclude... that I have serious commitment issues! Let's look at the evidence:

Cell phone: for the past 3 years I've been using pre-paid service from Virgin Mobile. Their pricing seems simple and fair to me (although they've been introducing more options recently to try to become more competitive... originally you just paid for precisely the minutes you used). They use Sprint's network of cell towers and offer phones from Kyocera (among other companies), which I like, plus the Virgin brand has earned some coolness points in my book--after all, they are (among other things) the first commercial company in the space tourism industry! Depending on how I use it, my cell phone plan should even be cheaper than a traditional monthly plan with a long-term contract. But there were quite a few months last year, in which, as a result of this pay-by-the-minute pricing, I was actually spending quite a lot for my cell phone usage. And at the tail end of that, when my Dad and my brother were getting a new cell phone plan with Verizon, they offered to put me on it. And as the third member of a family plan, it undoubtedly would have been pretty cheap. But I decided against it. Okay, so I do seriously hate the Verizon commercials, but still, it made a lot of sense--it even gets a stronger signal where I live than Sprint does (we did experiments). So why didn't I sign up? Have I ever in my life wanted to sign a 2-year contract for anything? Not really. One year is a long time and with a cell phone provider even that would seem annoying. I know they do it to amortize the costs of the "free" phones they give you,.. but, I paid for my phone; to me this seems more fair. I think the real reason they push their 2-year contracts is to extract a commitment from you. Even if you don't like them, you won't change companies, because you "can't". This does not appeal to me. I'll just keep my pay-as-you-go cell service, and use my land lines whenever convenient. :) Land lines sound better anyway!

Dance classes: For the past couple years, off and on, I've been taking group Salsa dance classes at a studio called A Time To Dance here in San Diego. On occasion, I've decided to take a few private lessons, to either learn some things faster than I could pick them up otherwise, or special nuances that they don't teach in the group classes. They always offer me the option of buying 5 or 10 of them up front, for a discount... but so far, I keep paying for them one at a time. Why? I've certainly taken at least 5 of the private lessons, over time, by now... and my cash flow isn't that critical that I couldn't have pre-paid them. And I've been going to the studio long enough that I am pretty sure I will keep coming back, because, they are good teachers, and interesting and fun people to be around as well. But something about the idea of spending that much money up front, even if I know it will save me money in the long run, doesn't make me comfortable. ;) I guess I just like to feel more spontaneous and flexible.

Online shopping: Call me old-fashioned, but I'll take a local "bricks-and-mortar" retail outlet over an online website any day,... assuming I can get what I want there, for a price not much higher than online. A lot of people I know seem to order merchandise off the Internet all the time;... and I'm certainly willing to do it in case I can't find what I want at a local store (for example, an underwater housing I decided to buy for my digital camera)... but it seems like I'll go through a lot of extra time and effort to track down where to buy something that I can drive to with my car, when some people would just shop online and not worry about it. In November, I wanted to buy a passive, wall-mount heater to keep myself warm this winter. I did a bunch of research and found a couple different models I thought I would be happy with... online. And then I started searching for how I could buy something like it locally! Eventually, I discovered that Ace Hardware had one of the heaters I wanted in its catalog, and although none of the shops in town stocked it, they could order it for me. A week later, I had my heater. Probably could have had it a few days earlier for the same price if I hadn't tried so hard to buy it from a human... but among other things, I like local shops because you can return things easier! Do I return things? Almost never (except for apparently computer hardware at Fry's Electronics, but that's another story). But I have the option! Even when I'm buying something used on e-Bay or another online auction site... about half the time I've managed to find a seller who lives in the greater San Diego area,... and I've met them in person and exchanged cash for the item.

Come to think of it, I'm even pretty careful about my music purchases. I will only buy an album if I'm completely sure I will like just about every song on it! I got burned once with Bryan Adams' "Waking Up The Neighbors" (which to this day has approximately 3 songs on it that I like), and I have been very careful ever since. I haven't even bought Mariah Carey's collection "#1s" yet, which I probably should have bought in about 1999 'cause I already know I love most of the music on there! There's just a couple too many songs on there I'm not sure about, and I haven't done the research yet to know that I'll be happy with it. :)

Well, whatever. There may be a much better way to explain some of my behavior than "commitment issues." :-P I just thought it was amusing to find myself analyzing how I tend to make some of the unimportant decisions in life, and I thought I would share. It probably means nothing... 'cause there's exactly one important commitment in life that I found one day that I wanted to make... and I didn't even hesitate. When I was 16 (which is starting to seem like long ago now!) I discovered that I was suddenly mature enough to understand something people had been trying to tell me: that there were two ways of life, good and not-quite-so-good. Love vs. selfishness: as a certain late charismatic preacher put it, give vs. get. The way given in the creator's wise instructions, or the way promoted by the adversary. I decided I want to be worthy of my creation, and I chose both to believe that the creator's philosophy on how to live is correct, and to try to live that way at any sacrifice. I made a commitment, and I've been trying as best I understand it to live by his guidelines ever since, and I've never looked back. I can't honestly claim to be good at it, yet, but I think I'm still trying? Maybe I'm not so bad with commitment after all. ;) God only knows.

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Feb. 26th, 2007 @ 11:15 pm I want it back

mood:

wistful
music: Eminem - Lose Yourself

Now in the past: one essentially perfect weekend. I keep reliving all the little moments. It was so short, yet packed full of nice, brief experiences; put them all together and it was amazing, and pretty much exactly how I wanted it. The drive to and home from the cruise ship terminal with two hours of no real traffic problems each way. The nifty bridge at Los Angeles harbor. Pictures of leaving the harbor at sundown. Seeing Amy and Kathy again. Seeing Marty and Nicole again. A proliferation of Davids (again). Peter the awesome waiter. Open Bible discussions on friendship and service. Finding and seeing a naturally beautiful spot on the Mexican coastline near Ensenada. Recognizing Meredith from a distance on the top deck, and a view of the city. Wind at the front of the boat with Marty while sailing away. Peter the awesome waiter. Picture of the group also on my camera this year. Making all the girls look good using my spiffy Latin dancing skills. Karaoke duet with Andrew in harmony. Midnight Mexican buffet. Photographing the moon with Jeannie, who looks better in my wind-breaker than I do. Sleeping in on Sunday morning. Three miles of jogging on the promenade deck. Two hours at the rock climbing wall. Dave and Andrew remembering each other from the summer of 1998. Leslie's Europe photo album. Indian curry. Guitar with Marty. Friends and me dominating the second night of Karaoke. Andrew and Leslie singing Summer Nights. "Wait a second, when were you born? :)" Karaoke stranger rapping Eminem's Lose Yourself. Timbani bringing down the house--caught on video. More latin dancing. Late night hot tub with Jeannie. Buying a girl a drink (possibly for the first time ever). Taking over for Carlos the bar piano player. Four hours of sleep. Dropping a CD at a friend's front door on the way home. Yes, tiny little details could have been even better--an omelet station at breakfast for example ;) or a beach in Ensenada to play frisbee, but realistically, did all this just happen in such a short space of time? Somebody pinch me.

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Dec. 18th, 2006 @ 12:45 pm ignorable Christmas

music: Vienna Teng - Nothing Without You

So for anybody that doesn't know, this may come as a surprise to you considering that some of my writings may have seemed to reflect a Christian belief, but I don't celebrate Christmas. I could get into the reasons in more detail, but I'll just summarize and say that Christmas really doesn't have a lot to do with the facts of the Bible (even though it is celebrated with scenes from the Gospels to be sure, even those are a little out of place), and I don't believe that either God or his son Jesus appreciates being worshiped with other symbolism blatantly borrowed from pagan religions. In fact, they said so somewhere. (And I feel like when the Creator of the universe expresses a strongly stated preference that I don't do something specific in attempts to honor Him, that disobeying that wish would be pretty counter-productive--since that very disobedience would be an act of dishonor.) But anyway, I digress.

As I was driving to work this morning, listening to ads on the radio, and realizing that our national Christmas holiday is only a week away, I was musing on exactly how out of place the traditional Christmas celebrations seem to me, in their completely non-religious aspects; and hence why I really don't identify with the holiday in the slightest bit! Think of all the typical scenes that Christmas conjures up in your mind. Yes, the baby in the manger with mother Mary and her husband Joseph. The wise men come to honor the newborn King in his human form. And yes, the department stores filled with glitzy displays and annoying music. But what does that music (and the music in all the commercials) feature? Sleigh bells! In my opinion sleigh bells were not meant to be accompaniment to catchy tunes; they are an intense enough auditory experience in their own right, and to mix them with music is just wrong. ;) But hey, I'm a musician. And again, I digress.

Sleigh bells come with sleighs. Sleighs come with snow! Christmas celebrations feature lights, to brighten up the shortest days of the year, and evergreen trees to demonstrate our faith that life will continue despite the temporary deficit of sunshine. From Superman's palace at the cold North Pole comes Santa Claus, a man with lots of body fat (to keep warm), and the warmest-looking red outfit (complete with hat) that you've ever seen. He needs it to be flying around the earth in December. His flying-carpet sleigh is pulled by reindeer that fly without wings. Magical or not, reindeer are native to the Arctic. "Yule logs" are supposed to have mystical properties, but let's not forget the practical aspects: to keep the house warm when it's freezing outside! And in the midst of more religiously-inspired seasonal music, we as a culture sing "Jingle Bells", "Let it Snow", "Frosty the Snowman", and many others inspired by cold, snowy weather.

Meanwhile, outside my window, it's 60 degrees and sunny. It rained briefly on Saturday. Yeah, Christmas means nothing to me. :-P

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Sep. 7th, 2006 @ 10:22 pm I'm learning sign language

mood:

angry
music: Vienna Teng - The Atheist Christmas Carol

For one reason or another, I have decided it would be good to know. I'm starting with the finger-spelling alphabet. I don't know if I will ever learn more than that, but just to learn that much seems very useful. I should have it learned pretty well by the end of the evening. I'm using a quiz-practice program which I found on the Internet for free:

http://asl.ms/

So far I can recognize words up to 6 letters long on the "slow" setting, first time around about 50% of the time. If not, then it takes me 3-4 tries.

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Jun. 22nd, 2006 @ 06:23 pm more sheet music

As most of you know, I've developed an interest in creating sheet music. I've been doing it professionally for Vienna Teng now for a couple years (although only 3 songs have been published, I'm hopefully that more will be published eventually, when I get time to finish them, she gets time to edit them, and she convinces her management to front the money to print a book). But more often, when I transcribe sheet music, I don't really have any hope of compensation. The latest song I've started is like that. I'm about 5 measures into making real piano sheet music for Kenny Loggins' "Celebrate Me Home". The piano part on that song is truly great, and I've been wanting to play it for a long time. It has a full 7 octave range (not typical for a piano score), from the lowest C on the piano all the way up to the highest note (also a C) on the piano. The only other song that I know that has a full 7-octave range is Grieg's piano concerto (from the lowest note on the piano, an A, all the way up to the highest A on the piano). This range (for Kenny Loggins' song) is not reflected in any of the published piano scores--they all simplify/cheat a bit (to make the sheet music easier to read/play I guess?)--even the best score that I found out there, which I actually bought, and which avoids the ordinary disastrous practice of mirroring the vocal melody in the right hand of the piano and actually gets most of the chords right, is a fairly mediocre arrangement during the chorus, and limits the range of the accompaniment to about 5 octaves. If you've seen my Vienna Teng sheet music you know I don't simplify unnecessarily. Songs may be harder to learn when they're not simplified, but when you play the notes the way the original artist(s) played them and it sounds "just right", the reward is immense! Maybe one day when I'm a semi-famous touring musician, I'll even cover the song live with a note-accurate rendition of the original piano accompaniment, modified a bit to fill in for the orchestra.

Does anybody want this when I'm done with it? Maybe Kenny Loggins himself would be interested? I've heard a recording once of a of live performance, and the piano part was not what is on the album. Maybe his backup musicians (one of whom is undoubtedly a piano/keyboard player) could make use of it. :) Nah, realistically, I could never get his attention. ;) But a guy can dream.

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May. 16th, 2006 @ 08:29 am and the award for most blatant product placement ad ever in a TV show goes to....

mood: ambitious
music: Jane Lui - Pigeon Woman

.
.

So I was watching CBS's "How I Met Your Mother" last night; I think it was the season finale episode. Anyway, Marshall and Lily are having an argument, and they have this rule where they can pause their arguments whenever they want, for example if they need to do something else, like, say, talk to friends about an unrelated subject, or use the bathroom, or get something to eat. So the dialogue went like this:

(argument, etc)
Marshall: "I never said that!"
Marshall: "You know, if you're having these kind of doubts now, what's going to change in 3 months. Maybe we just shouldn't get married at all."
Lily: "Maybe not."
(after a few seconds of pause to think)
Marshall and Lily (simultaneously): "Pause."
Lily: "So are you just like starving?"
Marshall: "Totally. Red Lobster?"
(5 second shot of Red Lobster sign)
Lily: "Oh lobster, lobster, lobster, you are delicious."
(as she says this, the camera cuts to a scene of them in the restaurant, wearing white bibs with conspicuous red, lobster logos on them, eating)
Marshall: "Oh God, I love butter sauce. There's nothing bad about it. Say something bad about butter sauce, I dare you." (laughs)
Lily: "I wouldn't dare."
(Marshall's laughter disolves into crying)
Lily: "Marshall, no. We're on pause. There's no crying in pause land. Pause land is a magical place with popcorn shrimp and butter sauce." (and she breaks down as well)
Reb Lobster staff (clapping): "Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy birthday. Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy birthday. Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy birthday." (cut to commercial break)

Commercial announcer: "How I Met Your Mother is sponsored by Red Lobster..."

I kid you not. It was that blatant, and if it weren't obvious (I'm a bit slow so I might not have caught on otherwise), they went and gave it away at the commercial break, proclaiming their sponsorship of the show. Now was it effective? I've never been to Red Lobster, and I'm not about to go, because I think that lobsters are just plain disgusting (don't tell my cousin:). But it did remind me, perhaps even before the promotional announcement at the commercial break, of how my cousin on her birthday got to go to Red Lobster because it's her favorite place to eat. In any case, I can't think of a worse, more blatant, and less artistically relevant example of a product placement commercial worked into a TV show, except those hypothetical ones in the fake world of "The Truman Show". What have we come to as a society, to sacrifice art for money? The 1 minute scene at Red Lobster really had almost nothing to do with the story line in the show, although they did manage to get the characters crying about their situation at the restaurant, and I suppose that was relevant, but after that scene, it's never mentioned again--it seemed rather disjoint and out of place in the context of the overall script. I bet the actors on the show are ashamed of that scene. And if they aren't, they should be. I don't think I would sell out like that if I were in their shoes. And they shouldn't have to. As far as I know, it's a successful series with a sizable audience and good ratings. (All the more reason to push a product placement ad, I'm sure, from the perspective of the sponsor.)

On a completely unrelated note: does anybody ever pay attention to the "music" component within each LiveJournal entry that I post? Just curious. Because without fail, I listen to some good music... I mean sure, if I put something in there it's whatever I am currently listening to, but I've always had it in my head for a day or two, and I don't post mediocre music entries in there. Most of the time my entries communicate several things at once: the "mood" often has nothing to do with what I write in the entry, but rather with events in my life, and the music that I'm listening to is usually unrelated to my mood or random thoughts. And often, the music I listen to or that gets stuck in my head isn't something that is extraordinarily well known, but rather, the cream of the crop of local artists or lesser-known songs (and very occasionally, like last time, one of my own songs that has gotten stuck in my head). So I'm just curious if anybody actually goes and looks up the artists and songs and learns about good new music from my LiveJournal posts? :) If not, you might consider it.

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Apr. 13th, 2006 @ 12:35 am Passover thoughts

I thought I'd share some thoughts which were originally an excerpt of an e-mail I wrote, but have now been heavily edited, with some context added. (I think the original recipient of the e-mail won't mind, since I'm leaving out all the personal parts. :))

Tonight, along with many other ethnic or spiritual Jews, I celebrated a commemoration of a religious observance called the Passover. To Christians, in addition to remembering the beginning of God's deliverance of a physical nation from oppression, we also recognize that 1975 years ago, give or take a couple, a man named Jesus was killed at Passover. While Jews were killing lambs and roasting them whole (a practice they have, thankfully, for the moment, considering the sensibilities of our modern society, given up) and then eating them as a sacrifice to God, as a gruesome parallel, Jesus became a human sacrifice. Depending on your religious bent, this may have tremendous significance. But why? I've been thinking--not really extraordinary thoughts; and not anything I shouldn't have already known; but as the years go by I understand things better. The murder of Jesus wouldn't have made any difference to anybody if it hadn't been for how he lived his life. He was an amazing man, and that's an understatement... if it's even appropriate to call Him a man. It sort of struck me within the past couple days, in light of things have occurred in my life lately, in dealing with other people, people that I wish would change but who have far too much pride, and myself knowing (in unrelated situations) that I screw up too, in other ways,... Jesus wasn't like that. Sure people found things to criticize, and his personality and the way he dealt with situations may have been unique, but there was never anything that anybody judging righteously could point to and say that he screwed up. He just plain had his life together, perfectly, the whole time--confident, planned, and no mistakes. He deserved to live, more than anyone else that ever has, because he did such a good job of it! Was he God in the flesh like the scriptures say?, and did his unjust murder somehow help us to conquer sin? (does that make sense?) These are questions to leave to religion. But from a perspective of fact, history, and our human experience, his amazing example in life is such an inspiration and something to aspire to. I hope I can learn from it.

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Apr. 6th, 2006 @ 09:37 am reappropriating

music: Poem For a Little Girl

Whole Foods Market's "Organic Whole Grain Burger Bun"s... are in fact far too flavorful and dense to be used with burgers. Obviously I tried this, and it was less than ideal. The whole wheat bread flavor is quite strong, and overpowers the burger, and the bun is chewy. Also, they are not even cut in half, so to eat them around a burger one has to cut them.

But I found another use for them. In shape, they remind me of jelly-filled donuts. The cracked wheat berry flakes on top even remind me of glazing. So why not eat them like jelly filled donuts? In fact, they taste pretty good this way. They certainly aren't as sugary, but considering the healthful qualities of donuts, this probably isn't a bad thing. The richness of the whole wheat flavor is a good substitute in titillating the taste buds. Of course to really act like a jelly filled donut it has to have a filling. I use Brown Cow "Cream Top" yogurt. Brown Cow yogurt comes in a variety of flavors, even low fat and non fat ones, although I prefer the whole milk flavors with the satisfying layer of cream on the top. :D Today's flavor is "White Chocolate (flavored) Raspberry"--it sounded good, but I've actually had better: Cherry Vanilla and Peach are excellent.

So... time to eat my breakfast... hmmm.... tasty. You should try it--after Passover of course. (The buns come in a pack of 8, which would be far too much to eat between now and then.)

And so there's no confusion, neither Whole Foods Market nor Brown Cow Farm is a sponsor of my website or journal. ;) I simply buy their stuff.

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Mar. 31st, 2006 @ 03:09 am silent communication

mood: determined

Sometimes the most significant truths are discovered through communication consisting of more than just words. I danced, tonight, at various times, opposite a half dozen strangers. We learned some fancy footwork, and then a short, complicated, difficult and fun routine, which I picked up rather well. But then as a finish to practicing that routine, we were instructed to ad-lib: to do our own thing; to invent something from the footwork we'd learned, to fill in a little more time in the music. I'm not very good at this, and with several of the girls, I floundered, as did they--we're "all in the same boat" on average. One girl, though, perhaps a better dancer than most, followed me anyway, mirroring my movements. To me, this was a form of intense, non-verbal personal communication from her to me, and, not thinking, my automatic mental reaction was panic. I muttered something to the effect of not being sure what to do, and I don't remember the few words she said in response--but essentially she just told me to do something and she would follow. And she did; and I changed up the footwork a bit, and made things interesting. And it became fun. In those few seconds, her words and more importantly her actions demonstrated something critical--something I knew but had forgotten: Silent communication is far more important than verbal. She was following my lead, so I had to be a leader--there was no way out of it.

I lack confidence.

Perhaps confidence improves with experience. There's actually no question that it does. But confidence is an attitude more than a situation. Confidence can make the most of minimal knowledge and experience. Or a lack thereof can render useless the most thorough training. Confidence or the lack thereof is one of the most significant aspects of silent communication. A leader must have it, or no one will want to follow--in life or in dance.

Confidence takes planning. Maybe just a second or two ahead of time... but if it's in advance, it's enough. Planning takes thought. Sometimes I am too busy "doing", and I forget to think.

But I do have reasons for lacking in confidence: no matter how much I think, and that is a lot, many, many experiences have reinforced the fact that I don't know how to deal with life. So that fact has become a belief. Also, I'm easily ignored, and I give other people permission to ignore me, and when they do, this reinforces my lack of belief in my own self-worth, sometimes catastrophically.

And then there's music. Music is the exception. I know how to do music. You can't throw me something in music any more that would make me lose confidence. Some things might be too hard for me now, but with enough time, I can learn it, if I want to--and I don't need to learn to do everything, but that doesn't make me less confident. For most people's purposes, in music, I can do whatever you need. And I do make mistakes, but in music, I know that time goes on, and the professional thing to do is to pick yourself up, shake it off, and keep going, and the mistakes will be, mainly, forgotten. Maybe in the future, I can take the same approach to life: dance, gymnastics,... relationships? Watch me.

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Mar. 15th, 2006 @ 11:53 pm happiness comes in small, warm, furry packages

music: Duncan Sheik - She Runs Away

"Random question: How do you feel about cats?"
"Cats... hated the musical, love the animal."

(from a recent episode of CBS's "How I Met Your Mother")

In six, words, somebody managed to describe my opinion on the subject precisely. :) Good for them.

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